“I tried to shave my dog’s neck today.”
“How did that turn out?”
“I discovered it’s a two man job.”
“Hmm… well my dog was sedated when her neck was shaved.”
“What is that all about? Can you just go out and buy sedatives? If so, I’d definitely get some.”
“Oh, no. My dog was having her vocal chords removed.”
“Ok, this is just getting weirder.”
“Well, In Montana, if three people complain about your dog barking, the city will take it away.”
“Ah, I see.”
“But I didn’t go through with it. I stopped the doctor at the last second. He was holding the knife in his hands when I called.”
“*Laugh* So, it was like Abraham and Isaac. ‘No, my son. Stop.’ I bet your dog was relieved.”
“I was just picturing Isaac waking up from sedation. ‘Father, I understand the knife and all, but why is my neck shaved?’”
Ode to being Normal
Ah, thy perfectly adequate face,
Thy conventional clothing,
In the daylight, they strike one in an unexceptional way.
Thy verbification and vernacular,
The way thy lips maneuver as thou dost impart,
In a crowd, they seem commonplace in this faddish day.
The displacement of thy hips as you traverse,
Thine average gait,
All alone, they resemble everyone else.
Atheists, Atheists, Atheists. (That was tough to type for some reason) They’re like their own little exclusive club.
“Well, I don’t like the Christian side of things… and I don’t like the other religions, they’re just a bit weird. It’s too bad there’s not a third choice.”
“Wait a minute. Let’s make our own association and not believe anything.”
“Hey, that’s not bad. We could call it Anti-Godists.”
“No no. That’s a bit wordy. Let’s call it Ha-ha-we’ve-got-our-own-thing-now-leave-us-alone-ists.”
“No, that’s wordy too. What about itheists, you know, with a small ‘i’. Kind of like ipod. It’s catchy ya? …itheists…”
And so it went on till the eventual conversion to Atheists (big “A”). Sounds a bit more legitimate.
But there’s a backfire in this plan. By rejecting God, they put him in the spotlight. They firmly pronounce that they don’t believe in God and give all these reasons. It’s like they have to justify breaking off from the norm. The good thing about it is that it sparks a thought in the hearer. The hearer entertains the eventual thought, “What do I believe?” This question is altogether approved by religion. It’s good to figure out what you believe. And if you don’t know… go find out.
From a different perspective, the curse word “GD” might just get phased out by Atheists and Christians alike. For instance:
Construction workers are building a structure and one of them hits his thumb with a hammer.
Worker A: “Owww! God!#$*@!”
Worker B: “Oh, I’m Atheist. I don’t believe in God.”
Worker A: “Oh… so it’s just *!$%@!?”
Worker B: “Right… we’re trying to get rid of God and you’re not helping.”
Worker A: “Well, that just doesn’t properly communicate what I’m feeling.”
Worker C: “Yes… and while we’re at it, I’m a Christian and don’t like the use of that word either.”
Worker A: Uh, I thought the founding fathers came here to get away from oppression.”
Worker D: (mockingly) “ Ooooh. Help! Help! I’m being repressed.”
Worker A: “That’s Oppressed you idiot”
Worker D: “Ah… same difference.”
I watched the first episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation today. Other than being a trip down nostalgia lane, it was thought provoking. The villain in the story, “Q”, lost no time in putting humanity on trial. He demanded that the crew of the Enterprise answer for the actions of humanity committed throughout history. Picard’s reply was, “Test us. We are not the same as them.”
Although we all want to be part of a group and have friends, in the end we don’t want to be lumped together and judged. Do you feel that you need to answer for everyone else’s actions?
The actions of humanity haven’t always been commendable throughout history: War, genocide, rape, murder, terrorism, creating the TV show Family Matters. However, humanity on trial isn’t feasible. None of us are the same. Each of us react different and have distinct moral standards. There are many folks that murder and many folks who render first aid. Movies like Surrogates and Gamer suggest that man will devolve into his basest instincts and drives if there are no consequences for his actions. An example of this is porn. Porn is a kind of surrogacy. You can’t have sex at that moment so someone else is doing it for you. The porn industry does bring in billions of dollars so it is safe to say many people are filling a void with digital pixels of sexual images. Does this mean that people will always choose basic instincts if no consequences are involved?
I won’t deny that giving in to those drives are appealing. However, if you give yourself over to them you may find that you become a slave. (In the voice of Yoda) Nothing more than a beast you may become.
Being human is more than giving in to an inner drive. We have an ability that other creatures do not have. The ability to choose. We have the ability to do good and evil, but that doesn’t mean we automatically choose evil. So, although Nero may have done terrible things, I didn’t. I chose a different path.
Let us all be judged on our own merits. (That is, if we’re ever judged by “Q”.)
Possess too much testosterone: If you don’t have it, fake it. Laugh at other people’s misfortune. Repeatedly curse and make sexual references. Talk crude in front of the opposite sex and make fun of them when they can’t take it. Have an IQ of 45: if you don’t have it, hide the fact that you’re smarter. Talk about the girl you had the night before and how you disrespected every part of her. Talk about how you got trashed the night before and how you ended up naked in the front yard of somebody else’s house. Don’t do any work at work unless that work involves getting in other people’s faces. Threaten other coworkers jokingly with the worst bodily harm if they don’t do what you say because you’re in charge and then say you’re serious. Take care of yourself first and trust no one that you supervise. Remain incompetent to lead. Join with fellow supervisor’s who put down their subordinates. Punish everyone for the mistakes of the few. Demand of everyone that they know what everyone else is doing, and when they are not omnipresent nor omniscient take away their free time. Conform the place that you work at to the place you worked at previously. Always talk about how things were better at your last job. Pretend to enjoy your job and secretly hate it. Let bitterness over take you and hate everyone else who isn’t just as bitter. Hate the ones who actually enjoy their job. Stay in your current job because you know you have no real skills that could relate to the outside world. Continue the legacy of turning each other in. Do all this and more, and you’re probably someone I work with.