Real Fear


As we approach the Halloween season where we celebrate dead things, I am reminded of something. I have vices. Everyone has them, but my vices are all my own responsibility. I picture them as skeletons in my secret closet which I hide from all who know me. I deal daily with a couple of them because they relentlessly rear their empty, ugly heads out with great force. It takes all of my energy to keep my hands on the door so it will stay shut. However, sometimes with a force stronger than my own, a skeleton will open the door enough to get a phalange through. That’s all it needs, for soon my strength gives way. It jumps on my back while I take it for a ride. After a while, my senses come to me, and a hatred that surpasses all hate previously known takes me over. I beat the skeleton back into the closet and I stand like a sentry at the door. What scares me the most is that the skeletons are never alone. They invite other skeletons to join them who are more vile than they. Soon, as one peeks its head out of the closet, it is holding the hand of another that it wants me to get to know. I ignore it for a time, but  I eventually accept that the more evil one exists. I try not to let it effect me, however, it is the beginning of another despicable relationship. Eventually, I come to realize that I am evil to my core. This is the fear of all humanity, yet it is extremely personal to all of us.

One thing remains, however, that gives me hope. Jesus Christ is my savior. He will never leave me or forsake me. I cry to him in my “pit of despair”, and I know he hears me. The temporary feeling of satisfaction the skeleton gives me is not worthy to be compared with the vastness of God’s glory. The skeleton can never provide enough to fill the bottomless pit that my flesh with its lusts digs daily. Though all others forsake me, I know God will always be there. Victory is always on the horizon. But I know that as soon as one skeleton is destroyed, one I had not seen before will take its place. Therefore, I conclude this battle will never end, but I will fight it as long as I am alive.

7 thoughts on “Real Fear

  1. Hey bro good stuff I totally agree with you dude. I havent drank for some time and I just quit smoking and it feels like right now it could go any way. I tell my self that Jesus died for me so the least I could do is simply not smoke or drink and be a better person. But for most of the day my human urges are fully kicked in, and that ideology is pushed back. I’ve seen that door with all the skeletons and to be honest thats the easiest to be. Its soo much harder to be a good person and harder to reform so I feel like I just have my foot holding the door. But I think that thats what life is suppose to be with the struggle bc it simply shows devotions and the difference between believers and non-believers. I guess life wasn’t designed to be easy, its just a test.

  2. “The vastness of his (God) glory is not worthy to be compared with the temporary feeling of satisfaction the skeleton gives me.”

    Strike that. reverse it.

  3. Tim, that sounded very much like something Willy Wonka would say.

    When Debbie and I went out last weekend, we were talking about what it means to “surrender all”. I told her that I tend to be a very litteral person, and that, to me, surrendering all means just that–surrendering EVERYTHING to Christ. All of ourselves, our actions, our desires and cravings, our everythings. It’s never easy–it’s a sacrifice, thus the surrender part. Sometimes, I think it’s necessary to re-surrender, so to speak, every day. Maybe several times a day. Jesus told his disciples to take up their crosses daily.
    And Travis (SO miss you!!), you’re totally right–doing the best we can is the least–the very least–that we can do for the One who gave His life for us. Ok, not gonna start preaching! 🙂

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